Through the Restorative Practices Lens
Through the Restorative Practices Lens
Written by: Phoebe Smith, MPH, MA Edu., CPM
Names have been changed to honor privacy. Trigger warnings regarding some of the content. Gender and racial bias.
December 17, 2022
Intentional Relationship Building
When groups gather, be intentional about making space for all voices to be heard.
Prioritize making social and emotional connections.
Make space for heart to heart connections. Make this time sacred by including rituals. Be consistent.
Flatten hierarchies in designated spaces to encourage inclusion and authenticity from all voices.
Jonathan has been with their company for 11 years. They started as a roving assistant to 6 staff members. Everyone appreciates Jonathan. In our precircle dialogue interviews 5 out of the six people that had worked with Jonathan said they miss having them on their team and struggle with getting the same high level work performance and productivity that Jonathan provided for them. Jonathan is now the supervisor for a team of 22 support staff that do the job Jonathan did by themselves for years. As a Restorative Practices Practitioner and coach I have been supporting Jonathan with establishing a relationship based management style to engage with their new team. As we worked to develop strategies Jonathan experienced an emotional trauma response to the conversation when I asked them what their vision was for their team.
We paused our work to address the healing that was needed for Jonathan and their management team. Did we have to address the harm that had been done to Jonathan over the last 10 years at work? No. They are no longer in that position and experiencing those traumatic experiences, but when you are being intentional about building relationships you stop the work and address the needs. In Jonathan’s case what they needed was healing.
Cultural Humility
Engage others with cultural self awareness, humility and respectful curiosity.
Recognize and change power imbalances that blocks the ability to connect with all people.
Institutional cultural competence is essential groundwork regarding the differences and diversity that makes up organizational communities.
All community members should have access to holding institutions accountable to true equity and inclusion initiatives.
Jonathan identifies as nonbinary, white presenting Indigenous, first generation college graduate. Jonathan shared in our restorative dialogues that although they shared their identities repeatedly over the last 4 years they were often misgendered and made to accept racial microaggressions as jokes. Jonathan shared that the primary reason they wanted to work with a restorative practices coach and build their team on the foundation of relational engagement and management was due to the harm that was done to them by their supervisors. Cultural humility helps organizations and its employees remain open to being educated as lifelong learners and humbly aware as human beings engaging in power dynamics. Within these layers people need to be responsible for their interactions, be held accountable when they have missteps and be willing to repair harm when harm is done.
Fearful of losing their job while in the midst of enduring this trauma Jonathan gave polite reminders about their correct pronouns and tried to ignore the "jokes" made in private and in public but each incident represented another brick to carry and confirmation that they were not welcome as they presented themselves. Jonathan recalled having lunch with one of their supervisors and in the conversation they shared that they were Indigenous. Their lunch mate's reply was, “You’re an Indian! Wow. I’ve never met one.”
Take Responsibility for Impact on Others
Invest time and energy to build a foundation of trust
Listen to honest feedback
Address harm and dissention in the community in a timely manner and with transparency.
Show empathy when harm is done.
Build a community where people understand and develop a willingness to keep the community in balance.
Jonathan shared that the most disappointing thing about dealing with these experiences was that "there was no space to talk openly about any of what was happening to them". Jonathan was clear that they didn’t want to report anyone or file a grievance, they wanted to “call their coworkers in” and share the impact their engagement was having on them. The organization didn't have Restorative Practices education or support. With education people would be afforded the opportunity to become aware of areas of ignorance, their biases and how their actions impact others. Through restorative practices dialogues, space would be created to have deeper discussions and gain insights about people's needs and experiences.
Seek Out Shared Humanity in Others
Community and team building has nothing to do with lunch or happy hour after work. You find areas of shared humanity through intentional, open and authentic dialogue.
In spite of labels and hierarchies, make the effort to connect with people different from oneself.
Be mindful and check in with others consistently and authentically.
Listen with empathy.
As mentioned, every supervisor respected and appreciated Jonathan's work contributions. From my interviews it was clear that each person Jonathan felt harmed by was completely shocked and horrified that their interactions left Jonathan feeling badly. But when someone corrects misgendering several times and people respond with ignorance, disregard or refusal to use the correct pronouns, that person's humanity is being dishonored. When Jonathan is in meetings and supervisors are sharing or buying into racial tropes or stereotypes, in their presence, their humanity is being disrespected. Many stated that they were not aware that Jonathan was a person of color. I asked two questions to follow up on these statements: 1) What would you have done differently if you had known? Many said something to the effect that they would have been more thoughtful or careful about sharing their thoughts or beliefs. 2) Why does Jonathan’s racial identity change your behavior or comments? All of them asked for more time to process that question and their response.
Risk Being Deep in Relationship through Curiosity
Work toward creating brave spaces at work. Spaces that allow you to engage in dialogue about charged topics, learn from one another, share space and relationship with people you don’t always agree with or differ from you.
Talk to and make the effort to know people you might not gravitate to naturally.
Given the groundwork that has been established to build trust, ease and openness, ask permission to lean into curiosity.
Whenever possible, prioritize deepening relationships.
Risking vulnerability with coworkers feels awkward and out of place in transactional environments versus relational environments. Most are accustomed to work communities that choose not to invest time into addressing relationship building, nurturing or healing. Although Jonathan is well aware that their organization does not see the monetary value in shifting the current workplace interpersonal engagement paradigm to respectful engagement, honoring diversity, inclusion and actively collaborating to achieve true equity. Given their own lived experience, they choose to utilize the resources they've been given to create a department that is strongly committed to building and nurturing relationships so Jonathan does not perpetuate the same traumatic behaviors that they endured. Jonathan is leaning into the possibility of providing healing for those who have the benefit of being managed by them, by being a leader who actively demonstrates that each staff person that works alongside them has value.
Inclusive Collaboration with All Community Members
Invitations: Try not to leave people out who may be impacted by decisions or increase in workload.
Space is made for all voices and follow through looks like a reflection of that action through decision making, reflecting back what has been contributed and addressing negative impact shared.
When we can see the humanity in each community member it creates an opening to identify the value in each person and their contributions.
Jonathan shared that they felt unseen/excluded whenever someone repeatedly misgendered them. They felt unseen/excluded when white community members stereotyped and excluded co-workers of color from promotions, projects, mentoring opportunities, brainstorming projects and decision-making that would directly affect their workload. Given the proficiency in which Jonathan executed their job, their work was seen as invaluable to the supervisors but they themselves felt completely invisible as a human being and the identities that shape their humanity. “This would not be the case for the staff they were now leading,” Jonathan proclaimed. Regardless of the fact that Jonathan’s team of 22 were all entry level support staff their voices would be heard consistently; space would be made to connect and share their experience at work; their input and contributions would be given value by showing up in the decision making or consulting them in their areas of expertise and the culture of inclusion will be evident within the foundation of their team because there will be check-ins and dialogues to get feedback about how each person feels working in their department and with their teams. When the feedback is unfavorable the group of 22 will band together to get “the community back in balance” and address harm that has led to anyone feeling a lack of belonging.
Humility and empathy whenever possible
Be humble and share gratitude especially if you are in a power up position
Listen empathetically and with curiosity. Reserve judgment - that makes you right and them wrong. This position is rarely helpful.
Be a student of human behavior and apply that knowledge in real time.
Treat others the way they want to be treated - but ask first.
Jonathan is working on their own healing by providing a healing space for others - yes, at work.
We’ve had two 2-hour circle dialogues. They have been enlightening and insightful for many. The harm that was done to Jonathan was the catalyst to gather together and make space for the dialogues but we are not focusing on Jonathan, each individual is focusing on themselves. We are focusing on how to engage with one another through a restorative practices lens.